Comprehend that if life is dandy for you that does not equal the same for everyone else. If your confidence comes with a cherry on the top then learn to be a friend. Develop the art of caring and discard resentment. When you strategically avoid that challenging conversation, you craft a perceived quick win that is masked with prolonged dysfunction. The global divorce statistics are staggering. What’s contributing to this equation of despair? So many shattered lives, dreams and a generation of scars…strands in the cord of truth! Moving to the tyranny of urgency requires us all to march to the beat of change, amendment from the cycle that is defined by data to be doomed truly before the romance has blossomed. Idolatry is well and truly alive in our plans to dream the dream but give up once the gloom is forecasted. We run for the hills without profound efforts. A sedentary culture churning along.
A curated community never greatly pressed for the want of pity so we move on swiftly to the next unsuspecting best thing. Your acrimony habituates to a kernel of loathe. Why not adopt a proactive approach and go in with your eyes wide open to avoid contributing to the statistics. Love brings our broken bits all together and keeps us in proximity when we inform each other of our secrets. Meanie of mistrust is not the path to remain stuck in.
Life offers us rich relationships in other facets outside the romantic boat as well. The same basic skills are required to flourish and soar at any REALationship. Be aware of all the forces at play and decorate your stress away one meaningful interaction at a time. Create positive vibes on purpose no matter how difficult the situation is. Look for the silver lining every time.
Do you not allow new people to love you since former people hurt you? Have you left the baggage at the door? A dime a dozen think they have but so much drama manifests in the most inopportune time just because we lack the skills to tackle the elephant in the room and heal. You cannot annoy my anchored soul so before you leap off into anything: marriage, friendship, partnership, leadership, volunteer or work team member understand what anchor’s you. How deed are your roots? Will you survive a storm? Do you simply avoid any signs of a storm like the plague and buckle in? Your senses for people will alter drastically as you acquire knowledge to love yourself, understand your core values and not make comprises that will taint your world.
‘Self-Love a.k.a. my rights’ proudly emblazoned on every platform and so many lips. There is much to declare for having a healthy level of self-worth and exercising appropriate self-care. Our preoccupation with self is not shared by the scriptures. Consider for example, Jesus’ famous words in Luke 9:23, whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. In essence this enlightens us to focus on others instead of constantly zooming in on your personal needs. Piled misjudgement on misfortune is the results when we are constantly self- seeking. Break the mould and celebrate the other party, it will propel you into a new season. We are essentially in a facet of relationship 24/7 so develop both the awareness and skills to soar at it.
Commitment, responsibility and honesty are attributes that propel us to create sparks and rapport in the bedroom, boardroom or any social platform. Has all traces of blame and victimhood left the building? Positive relations embodies presence that is tendered and manicured daily – it is purposeful. Thriving networks communicate about anything and everything. It is courageous, vulnerable and loyal with no smokescreens or secrets. You cannot plan for the future unless you properly address the past in all associations. Consider the tone in which you speak. Extend gently with your experience. In addition develop the art of offering your undivided attention as depicted by Richard Moss ‘The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.’ Don’t use primitive smoke code to communicate. Use jargon free language to reach your audience even if you do not use verbatim. A wise woman understands the precise psychological moment when to say nothing yet say so much with no words at all, artful tact at its pinnacle best. ‘There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. There are others who will understand you – without you even speaking a word.’ Yasmin Mogahed. Unconditional love is distinctly different from unconditional tolerance…know the difference – the subject of knowledgeable arguments if you have to partake.
The greatest litmus test is how you handle the relationship when it plummets down south, where the twists and turns take you – do you lose the plot? Do you become bitter or better? What lessons do you glean from the ended season? The intricate facets also include establishing your boundaries and maintaining them, respecting boundaries from others. Unlearning bad habits. Teaching yourself new things to add value to the new escarpment of fellowship.
There is ample deLIGHT in harnessing an authentic relationship with yourself. A milestone where you have plateaued to be comfortable in your own skin and there is absolutely no prerequisite for others to rush in and validate your existence like quartz clockwork.
Delightfully sardonic tweetup throws some relationships is a spotlight. A love story that captured hearts around the world when Meghan Markle and Prince Harry shared matrimony bliss. Their fairy tale has been untraditional yet it tarries. The love shared between the couple continues to conquer the mammoth trials. One curve ball after the next, vast hullabaloo but they are still smiling and making those vows work. Everyone has a path that will stretch and bend them but we need to find our focus to ride on what boosts us. No characterised cultural soirée is completed without grit. Find your perseverance switch. Do you have the grit to transcend from sand to glass?
Craving any emotional connection in authentic conversations is a sure tell-tale that you have deficiencies. Develop self-awareness for these red flags so you do not bond to someone unhealthy to satisfy your needs. Have that difficult conversation with your significant other and create a way to debar uninvited intrusion.
Never apologise for burning too brightly, let your zeal shine and if it bothers others then look at the reasons objectively. Why are people jealous or intimidated? May your choices demonstrate your ordered hopes and not reflect your brewing phobias. When you judge me without knowing me, you do not define me. You describe yourself so let people paint themselves while you live your best life with those that fundamentally matter. Park the noise in the dark corner. Information brings revelation and revelation ignites transformation.
It is not your responsibility to heal others, however it is your obligation to reconcile the fragments of you that resonate with their brokenness. Manipulation is when people blame you for your reaction to their disrespect. We compose a story expressing to everyone how to intermingle with us now and in the future! Sometimes we have to make a decision that will hurt our heart but will most definitely heal our soul. Align your values to reach your North Star, instead of avoiding the elephant in the room yet again – grab it by the task and tame it.
Practicing gratitude doesn’t equate to concealing unwelcome emotions or seeking for the silver lining in an adverse condition. Committed appreciation means acknowledging what is quiet decent along with the disarray. Fling away the notion that it is essential for you to pause your life until you are fundamentally healed. Make wholesome choices for your present and future within the pain…that’s where victory steps in and takes charge to change the narrative. Remember, you are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.
Healing yourself can be offensive to people that benefited from your brokenness. When we begin to restore, develop, revolutionise and transcend it does shift the dynamics in our social vortex, some drift away but real friends will celebrate the new layers of your success. The best revenge is investing in yourself and creating a prosperous future.
Normal is a setting on a washing machine and not a status to dictate life. No relationship is normal. Each one has its own uniqueness and significance. The measure of a good man is to plant a tree under which he is acutely aware he will never sit in the shade it spreads. Yet the gesture banquets a lingering quench to something in muted tones that speak louder than the gesture itself. What a splendid act of giving with no demand to be repaid for the good deed. Envision what all of the relationships will be like if we all adopted the passion to give without any expectations. To give our time, energy, resources and love to others with the comfort of knowing it is well with your soul if they don’t appreciate me. Focus on your journey and the seeds that you plant on the way, the lives that you impact on the way now and in the future. The greatest sin is unconscious and considerable sadness is when humans refuse to take off the blindfold. There’s a hope that calls out courage, let it manifest in you. Focus on what you dish out to the world and all your relationships will align.